We Are All Terminal!

A few years ago, I was in a slump about a terminal diagnosis.  I was told that there was no cure for the disease that I had and that my days were numbered.  I only shared this information with one or two people.  I was afraid, overwhelmed and at a loss for words.  After several months of treatment that didn’t help my symptoms, boat loads of testing and retesting, it was said that my first diagnosis must have been a false positive.  Maybe it was.  Maybe it wasn’t.  I have no idea.  Who knows? I may have been miraculously cured.  Either way, at the time of the retesting til this very day, I do not have this illness.  Yet, I am still terminal!  What do I mean by this?  Well, I’m glad you asked!

I don’t have that illness but I’m still terminal!

Terminal is defined as: Something occurring at or causing the end of life.  Something utterly beyond hope, rescue or saving. Occurring at or forming the end of a series, succession, or the like; concluding.  

Life is defined as:  The condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

We can all agree that death, the great equalizer, is something that causes the end of life.  One things is for sure, if we continue to live, one day we’ll surely die.  This makes us all terminal!  Our lives can vanish in a blink of an eye.  Our life is the small dash between birth and death that is noted on our obituary.  What you do with the dash between the year you were born and the year you die, is up to you. A goal within my dash is to allow the elderly to continue to reproduce, adapt to their changing environment, live fervently, awaken eagerly and enthusiastically share great moments until death finally brings their lives to a conclusion.

This is what I want to do with my dash…

I want to start A Great Life 2Day Home Care Service.  I must admit, trying to start my own Elder Home Care business has been a struggle financially, emotionally, physically and every other way possible.  The emotional struggle has come from listening to elderly conversations in assisted living facilities, private care and nursing homes as they talk about death.  They speak of death as if it is a great friend or the savior of the world.  I was sharing with several “young” ladies as they talked about the recent passing of a friend.   Speaking of the friend who had passed away, the statement, “Good for her!” was said more times than I was comfortable with.

A lot of our elderly have lost their zeal for life which has rendered them hopeless and helpless.  They are literally wanting and waiting to die.  They even seem a bit sad when it doesn’t happen!  Have you ever woke up in the morning and said, “Awww damn, I woke up again?”  Maybe you haven’t but many of our elderly have.  They have been kindly tucked away in nursing facilities or they live at home alone.  Most of their friends have passed on and loved ones are too busy living their own lives to spend the time needed to help them feel useful again.  Just because they are of a certain age does not mean they have nothing left to offer.  In fact, just the opposite is true.

They still have plenty to offer!

There are times when I sit with my clients and just listen as they rehash their younger days.  Even those who are diagnosed with dementia or some type of short term memory loss, remember their “Glory Days!”  They tell stories about life experiences that we have only read about in our history books.  I have one client who talks about how wonderful she though President Franklin D. Roosevelt was and where she was when Kennedy was assassinated.  If you take a moment to listen, you just might learn something!  The elderly have so much to offer.  Our younger generations could greatly benefit from these personal experiences. There could be a mutual exchange that would benefit everyone involved.  Yet, days go by when some of the elderly have no interaction with other people at all.  A Great Life 2Day Home Care Services would change this for as many as possible.  To help us do this you can Click here to donate.

This is one reason I want to open my own Elder Home Care Business.  Not only are the elderly terminal, the truth is, I am terminal and so are you.  Life, itself is a terminal illness.  From the moment we are born, we know that death is imminent.  We just don’t know when, where or how.  Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.  This is why I am on a mission to do this NOW!  Tomorrow isn’t promised to me either!  My Elder Home Care service is still alive and well, moving, breathing and kicking inside of me.  My goal over the last 15 years has been to die empty. I believe I will give birth to this endeavor before long.  This is why I am reaching out to you for your support.  Tomorrow is not promised to you either.  So, TODAY, go to www.fundrazr.com/WeNeedYourHelp and donate today.

My goal is to help as many elderly as I can to:

1.  Live safe and happy throughout their end of life days
2. Unleash their potential to motivate and continue to share life with others
3. Provide relief  and a balanced lifestyle for their family and support system
4. Provide the tools needed to assist with the aging transition
5. Provide a space where the elderly can feel useful and full of life!                          You are one of the missing pieces to my puzzle.  I need your financial assistance to do this thing! Don’t waste another moment!  Remember, we are all terminal.  Do what you can today!  Help me become our elder’s “Living angel who brings them a new lease on life!”  Your generosity will not go unrewarded.  I’d like to take a moment now and thank you for your support! Click here to support!  A Great Life 2Day Home Care Service needs you!  Donate today!

Dr. Orley Anderson,CPC, ELI-MP, AUTHOR

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Has Chivalry Taken A Holiday?

It appears that chivalry is no longer working.  It seems to be on holiday and in some places, on life support or maybe, even dead!  As we celebrate the Labor Day weekend, I am adamant about putting chivalry back to work!

Labor Day is a holiday that was created as a result of a labor movement in 1885.  By 1894 it was adopted as law and legislated as a national holiday.  The purpose of Labor Day is to celebrate social and economic accomplishments of American workers who contribute to this nation by supporting its economic growth.  The holiday commemorates the advancement of our country’s pride, power and prosperity.

I would have to say, though we have grown leaps and bounds in so many areas, we seemed to have regressed in so many others.   We seem to have gotten so caught up in prospering economically that we have lost some of the simple things that make life meaningful.  Social justice, race relations, financial equality are ideals that have proven to be major setbacks but for me, another of those ideals is chivalry.

Though it may not seem important to many, it is of grave importance to me.  It speaks to how, as a people, we have lost a basic caring for one another.  There is a difference in caring about me and caring for me.  Caring about me is comparable to having empathy, a minimal amount of thought and feeling might accompany it, but it requires no further action.  However, caring for me necessitates action.  Caring for me requires you not only understand how I feel but your compassion moves you to concern and accountability.

I know you may think this a bit heavy for the topic of chivalry, conversely, I think it may not be heavy enough.  I consider chivalry to be a lost art that is sorely missed.  Chivalry is simply having courage, honor, loyalty, respect and consideration for others.  My dad used to say, “When respect is gone, you don’t have to worry, love had already gotten its coat and hat and left!”

My Godson posted this quote as a Feminist Philosophy Lesson on his Facebook page: “The door-opening and similar services provided are services which really are needed by people who are for one reason or another incapacitated-unwell, burdened with parcels, etc. So the message is that women are incapable”. -Marilyn Frye.  I don’t know about other women but this was an insult to me.  I love and appreciate having my door opened by a gentleman.  It is not a sign that I am weak nor incapable.  It is a symbol that the gentleman thinks I am important enough for him to show his consideration toward me and open my door!

So, men as you celebrate this Labor Day, put chivalry back to work.  Demonstration your courage by caring for a woman.  Show that not only is chivalry not dead, but it’s reentering the work force!

The Mother of All Mothers

Well, it’s that time of year again.  The time when we celebrate those who are recognized for giving us life or cultivating the life given by another.  Good mothers are special people who deserve honor all year long.  However, since we have this day set aside, be sure and let your mom know how much she means to you.

My biological mother passed from a malignant brain tumor when I was only nine-teen months old.  Being so young, I have no memories of her.  What I do know from others is that she was an exceptionally kind and caring individual. She was advised that in her condition, she should not consider more children but she had me anyway.  Abortion was not an option.  That lets me know she was extremely strong.  Seeing that I am the youngest of thirteen children, she must have been quite patient as well.  Attributes I too, possess.

I believe I developed my love for singing from her as well.  I later found out from my dad that one of the songs I loved and would often sing in church, was my mom’s favorite.  I often wondered if she sang that song while she carried me in her womb or if she would sing it to rock me to sleep when I was cranky.  What I do know, is that occurrences like this are no coincidence, there was something that drew me to this particular song.  Even though I didn’t get to know my mom, I salute her memory and I miss her often.  Especially, on Mother’s Day.

I have been fortunate enough to have others that have helped mold me and have poured into me.  For that I am truly grateful.  I love these women dearly and would never devalue what their being in my life has meant to me.  However, today, I salute my biological mom as the Mother of All Mothers!  Though she died not knowing how much she means to me or how much I love her, I believe she smiles down on me.  Knowing that she loved me enough to risk her own life to give me life and loved me with an unconditional love, makes my heart smile.  So, mom, “Here’s to you, the Mother of all Mothers!”

Happy Mother’s Day!

Does Unconditional Love Have Conditions?

February, though the shortest month of the year, it packs a huge bag and brings quite a bit with it.  February is the month that we celebrate Black History month. Other things take place, like the Oscars and other award shows.  There’s a lot that takes place and keeps us busy during this short month.  However, even with all of the extra curricular activities that capture our attention, Valentine’s day seems to make February the month of love.   Everyone is talking about it, they find it, they celebrate it.  Love seems to be the order of the day!

Now, if you’ve ever been to church, near a church or even read about a church, you have probably heard someone mention Agape`. Agape`is defined as unconditional love or the God kind of love.  It’s love with no strings attached or simply said, no conditions.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who shared with me some thoughts from a sermon he had heard. In this dissertation it was stated that in our finite, human minds, unconditional love does not exist. ( I paraphrase, but I do not deviate).  That we do not have the capacity to love unconditionally because we have limits as to how much pain, disappointment, etc. we are willing to accept from another individual.

This leads me to believe that it is not our capacity to love unconditionally, but our capacity to understand what love really is that makes unconditional love seem so out of reach.  Loving someone unconditionally is not synonymous with continually being in a position of being mistreated, misused or abused. Unconditional love says “I love you because of not necessarily in spite.”

For those of us who believe in God, we must understand that God loves us because he is love, not in spite of the fact that we are sometimes, unlovable.  His gift of unconditional love is one I can accept or reject.  If I accept it, it comes with benefits.  If I reject it, it comes with consequences.  What do I mean by that? Well, I’m glad you asked!  God’s love allows the sun to shine on those who are just as well as those who are unjust.   This is just one benefit.  There are no conditions to how much he loves us all. However, if I reject that love, the consequence of hell is real.  Now, would a loving God send me to hell, no, but by rejecting him I can choose hell for myself. This means God is not obligated to take me into his Heavenly home nor treat me to the added benefits that accompany accepting his gift of love.

In the same manner, if I love someone and they reject that love, I don’t stop loving them, however, their choice gains them the consequence of not being allowed in my “house,” my inner court, my inner circle.  They forfeit their right to partake in the things that people who accept my love freely enjoy.

So, does my love have conditions?  No, but it does have benefits and consequences! Love you!

Life or Death

As we start to settle our feet in the sands of 2015, I am sure we have all taken some time for a little self reflection.  We have looked back over the last year and taken stock of what we have done.  We have taken inventory of our lives to determine what we have left and what we need to gain.  We have given deep thought to our past decisions and assessed their effectiveness in our lives to this point.  We have done all of this to help us determine which path we will take moving forward.

How many of us have given thought to the fact that there is a grave difference between living and being alive? So, as we look back over not just 2014 but the years prior, I suspect not many of us have examined whether we are embracing life by loving the life we live or just existing by merely avoiding death!

I was sharing with a friend of mine whose family member was diagnosed with a terminal disease.  In our humanness, when we get news like this, we tend to go into survival mode.  We often forget to embrace life and all it has to offer and immediately go into the caution zone.  Here we become afraid to live, laugh and enjoy life as if it will offend death in someway.  Truth be told, someone with a terminal illness can out live someone who is “fit as a fiddle!”  So, why not embrace those moments of love and joy that can never be replaced.  The worst thing that can happen is if your loved one does pass away, you’ll have some wonderful memories to help you live on.

We usually make these decisions subconsciously.  We hardly ever give them a second thought.  We often pattern our response to certain events in our lives based on how others have responded or how we have responded in the past.  I see a lot of people who mourn as if they have no hope because that is how they have seen others respond.  Whether the response was from real life or the screen, we tend to live our lives reacting like we think others think we should.  Why shouldn’t we choose how we want to react based on which reaction will best serve us in life. This may sound strange to some but even in death, we can have joy.  Why not embrace and enjoy the moments before death takes its’ final bow?  Our mourning severely or wanting to hold on to a loved one is usually an act of selfishness.  Now, I am not judging, just taking a broader view.  Truth is, we tend to hold on even when our loved ones are ready to move on. That, in itself, is a form of selfishness!

There are some of us who have not been given a grave diagnosis yet we live our lives as if we are just avoiding death.  Even when we do things such as eating right or exercising, we don’t take the time to really enjoy the meal or the moment. We just want to get it over because it will supposedly help us live longer, healthier lives but we don’t like doing it. If you are eating healthy it doesn’t mean the food has to be awful. Try new recipes and savor every bite! Test yourself as you exercise.  Make a game of it.  Beat your last result or challenge a friend to a duel.

We tend to let the great moments pass by too quickly and linger far too long with the moments that are not so great.  

So, as you continue to walk through the sands of time, take the time to enjoy every God given moment that brings you joy and find a way to quickly dismiss the moments that don’t.

You get to choose!

There is a Coaching Principle that states, “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.”  You get to choose how long you want to suffer through the pain the waves of life wash upon your shore.  Though some waves are higher and more severe than others, if you learn to ride the waves and stay afloat, there’s no wave you can not endure! Embrace the wave or risk drowning in the sea of life!

The next time you find yourself having to make a decision about how you are going to live your life, let one factor be whether the decision will help you embrace life or will it simply help you to avoid death!

A Great Life 2Day 2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog. You can check it out here!

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 410 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

I Feel Like Chicken Tonight!

As I sat and pondered what I wanted to title this post this was the title that came to mind.  My thoughts went to sayings like; “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”, “Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today?” and my experience of getting more likes on Facebook with topics on Food vs. Fear!

“I feel like chicken tonight” is simply my way of easing us into the reality that in so many cases we take on the role of the “chicken!”  We allow fear to paralyze us and stop us from doing the things we know we need to and very well should be doing.

Fear seems to find its’ way into every aspect of our lives if we allow it! Fear can stop us from confronting someone who has mishandled us in our lives by speaking up for ourselves to stepping out on faith and making life changing, life altering decisions!  If we continue to put these things off, they only tend to compound, get worse, or become farther from our reach.

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real!

We tend to use excuses such as, I just don’t have the time or the money, and my favorite, what if it doesn’t work out?  Here’s a couple of questions for that:

• What if it does work out?
• If it doesn’t, what’s the worst that can happen?
• How is your present condition working out for you?

A friend of mine often says, “What we consider reality is just a piece of our possibility!” (BSG)  So, what’s possible for you?

Time has taught me that we tend to regret more the things we don’t do than the things we do.  My recommendation is to assess your situation and ask yourself the questions above.  It your answers point to a better situation, then my question is how long will you continue to be the chicken served up on the platter of life?  Just because you have all the trimmings and the table is nicely set does not mean that you should be the main course!

It’s never too late to change your appetite or the menu you prepare for your life!  So, take a chance. There is nothing to fear except fear itself!

Don’t Let “The Pinch” Steal Thanksgiving!

Over the years our idea of Thanksgiving has evolved has evolved into something that is far different than it was when I was a child.  My greatest fear now, is that by the time my grandchildren are old enough to hold their own Thanksgiving celebrations, that there will be no giving of thanks! If something is not done to keep some of our tradition in tact, I’m afraid Thanksgiving will soon be a thing of the past!

The Thanksgiving celebration, as we know it, were days the Pilgrims celebrated as part of their religion. These celebrations were days of prayer, not days of eating turkey and stuffing their faces (no pun intended). Our national holiday really began from the feast held in the fall of 1621 by the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag as they celebrated the colony’s first successful harvest.

For me, Thanksgiving was a day you spent with family and friends enjoying one another’s company. This was the one day you were allowed to eat too much, sleep it off and wake up and eat some more. As I got older, we started spending the mornings in church to give thanks to God then we came home to eat too much! I’m sure some of you remember great dinners, football games, flag football and just sitting around laughing and having a good time.

Then, there was the day after Thanksgiving! This was the day we rearranged the furniture, put up the tree and hung the Christmas lights and stockings!  We at left over turkey and ham sandwiches, finished off the deserts and watched Christmas themed movies.  My favorites were Miracle on 34th Street and Santa Clause Is Coming to Town! But something happened.  Instead of hanging Christmas decorations, we somehow found ourselves in store lines at 3 AM trying to catch the latest, greatest sale. We fought our way through crowds, stood in the cold, walked around all day just to get that bargain item that we know was limited in quantity. We called it Black Friday!  

The term “Black Friday” began back in the 1960’s to commemorate the start of the Christmas shopping season. “Black” refers to stores moving from the “red” to the “black,”  as our impulse spending and the need to “pinch pennies” caused them to turn great profits.  However, “Black Friday” didn’t began with such “pleasantries.”   The term Black was used to mark catastrophe and crisis such as the stock market collapse in 1869. Black Friday really began with a disgruntle police officer in Philadelphia who hated the crowds in the streets honoring festivals and sports activities the day after Thanksgiving. He started the term in hopes that people would be discouraged and stay at home.  As we can see, that really didn’t work!

Now my fear is that the stores are not just opening on Black Friday but they are now opening on the evening of Thanksgiving.  Surely there will be some of us who just can’t miss that “great sale” who will cut our time short with our families to participate.  Shopping is now available online all day on Thanksgiving, wow! Don’t burn the turkey!

Though I have an online store and would love for everyone to shop on that site, my greatest hope is that Thanksgiving won’t be the day you do it. Don’t let the “Pinch” steal your family’s Thanksgiving. I know over the years times have changed and things have evolved but I employ you to hold on to some tradition.  Don’t make Thanksgiving a thing of the past! Continue to make Thanksgiving a time of giving thanks to God and sharing valuable time with family.  After all, anything you can buy them for Christmas could never replace time spent with them right now! (pun intended!) HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Dr. Ollie Anderson

To contact me you can reach out to me at:

www.yourchristianauthor.com

www.agreatlife2day.com

www.Facebook.com/14fogiven

Twitter@agreatlife2day

Are You Ready For Some Football?

**This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if 
you make a purchase after clicking on my links

I shared in an earlier post that I would be sharing information 
during the holiday season that will put a smile on someone's face.
If football and children's parties are your thing, well, it's your turn 
to SMILE! 

                       Football-Themed Party Ideas by Birthday Express

We’re in the middle of football season, so there’s no better time to throw a football-themed party for your child’s birthday! Your guests will get a kick out of your decorations, party food and activities. With the help of football party supplies from Birthday Express, you can score the winning touchdown at your next party.

Food & Drink Ideas – The possibilities for party food are endless and you don’t have to spend hours in the kitchen. Just serve all of your child’s favorite party treats. Set out buckets of chips, popcorn, and pretzels. Or choose single-serve bags for even more ease. Make mini sandwiches as the main course or order pizza. For beverages, you can choose single-serve bottles and cans, or use economical large bottles. You can serve drinks in fun football cups from Birthday Express. For the ultimate cake, consider a football-shaped confection. Your party guests will love it.

Party Activities – Kids can have lots of fun with a football pinata. Instead of playing hot potato, play hot football! Ask kids to stand in a circle and pass around a football as music plays. When the music stops, the child holding the football is out. Continue until there’s only one child left – the winner! If the weather’s warm enough, try an outdoor game. Have an adult hold up two hoola hoops, and kids take turns throwing a soft football through them. Whoever scores the most goals wins!

Party Decor – There are endless ways to bring football to the table. At Birthday Express, you can find football themed napkins, plates, and cups with fun graphics. Decorate with a personalized banner and set the table with a football centerpiece. To bring your child’s favorite team to the party, select solid-colored napkins, plates and cups in the team’s colors.

Football Game Time Party in a Box – Deluxe – 16 Guests

Football Pinata

Football Fun Personalized Photo Banner

If YOU Were God…

 

 

Could I be transparent and open, tell you how I really feel?

Would you care to listen and allow my heart to heal?

 

Would you take the time to really understand?

Would you be there for me and take my hand?

 

When times were hard and I wanted to give in

Would you embrace me or tell me that I have sinned?

 

Could I count on you to be a friend 

And to be there for me until the very end?

 

Would you leave when my actions were contrary

And leave me in a state of being afraid and weary?

 

When I am lonely could I get you to stay

Or would you say you’re busy and just walk away?

 

When I hollered and screamed, cussed and cried,

would you be patient or say, “punishment justified?”

 

How would you treat me if you saw me at  my worst?

Would you condemn me to hell and say that I’m cursed?

 

Would you ever have enough compassion to love me through it all

Or would you ask me never again to call?

I know you’d like to think you would take the high road but the truth is that in our humanity we all get tired, we all get weak.  Everybody needs somebody but no one likes to be needed by everyone! That being said, I’m glad you’re not God and I’m even more ecstatic that neither am I!

 

We are not God but we can exhibit compassion, love, tenderness, understanding and support.  There’s always someone who is worse off than you and no matter what you have done in your past, it’s what you do with your future that matters! And if no one has said these words to you lately or ever before, I love you and pray you learn to live A Great Life 2Day!

With the holidays quickly approaching for the next few weeks my posts will include poetry, gift ideas, offers anecdotes,etc. anything that might brighten up someone’s day. I hope this helped with some self reflection and makes your day A Great Day 2Day!

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